This thought has been on my mind for a long time, sitting there with a huge question mark. From the moment parents and family members find out that a child is a girl, it often feels like her life is already being planned.

Little comments begin about how she will grow up, meet a man, and become a wife. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s direct, but it’s always there… this quiet preparation for a “future husband.”

And it only gets louder with time.

When a girl reaches her late twenties, the questions become harder to ignore: “Do you have a boyfriend?” “When are you bringing someone home?” “When are you getting married?”

What confuses me the most is that these same people are the ones who once asked, “What do you want to become in the future?” So which is it? Are girls born to dream, or just to marry and be wives?

I don’t see myself as only a wife. I see myself as more. I have dreams, real ones. The kind that wakes me up in the middle of the night, filling my mind with thoughts about who I want to become, what I want to achieve, and the kind of life I want to build for myself.

So when I’m asked those questions about marriage, I pause. Not because I don’t have answers, but because I’m still asking myself something deeper.

Is that all there is? Don’t get me wrong—marriage is not a bad thing. Love is beautiful. Sharing your life with someone can be meaningful and fulfilling.

But it shouldn’t be the only goal in a girl’s life. It shouldn’t be the measure of her success or the final destination of her journey.

I believe girls are born for more.

We are born to discover who we are, to explore our passions, to chase our dreams, and to create lives that feel true to us—not lives that are decided for us.

We are allowed to want more.
We are allowed to dream bigger.
We are allowed to define our own paths.

And if marriage comes along the way, it should be something we choose, not something we are pushed into. It should add to our lives, not replace our identity.

Marriage, then, becomes part of the journey… not the destination.

That’s what I believe.

And that’s the life I want to live—one where I am not limited to a single role, but free to become everything I was created to be.

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Deborah Okailey Quarcoo: Are girls born with dreams or just to marry?

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